I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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