Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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