i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
