so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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