If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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