help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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