Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
