wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
