do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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