did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
