you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
