you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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