..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
