I'm gonna have a badass scar
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
