you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
