I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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