There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
