he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
