I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
