So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
