Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
