If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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