Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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