that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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