alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize