Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
