Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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