2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
