i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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