the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
