Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
