Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
