dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize