"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
