I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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