it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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