can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
