If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
