no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
