It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
