I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
