i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
