$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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