She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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