awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
