Someone shit on the floor
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
