Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
