I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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