I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
