So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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