this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
