Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Your dad touched me again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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