I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
nutella sex= disaster
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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