There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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