You can't special order awesome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
