Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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