: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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