What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
