Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i dont even know how to be here
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
