"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
