super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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