you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
