So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
