Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i think i just lost a toe
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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