He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
