Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
