Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Less talking, more tequila
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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