You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
