Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
