I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
