please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize