yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize