He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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