A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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