no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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