Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
