wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
