3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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