I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
