My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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