mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
