I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
