don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
