New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Houston, we have a squirter
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
