oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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