i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
