ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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