He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The struggles of a small town man whore
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
