he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my poor anus
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
