I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize