It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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