At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
