I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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