I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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