the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
