you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
