Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
