Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
