Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
