just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
