so explain again why im purple
no
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
