she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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