I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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