I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
