going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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