I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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