i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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