Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
