if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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