____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize