If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
