He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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