two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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