i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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