My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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