How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
