i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
