I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
