i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Randomize