I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
