real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
