At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize