Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
