On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
