Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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