I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize