i think i have herpe
just one?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize