I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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