Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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