So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
