but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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