my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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