So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
