Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
