they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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